On the Job by Anita Bruzzese Why Accepting an Apology is Harder Than It Looks

On the Job by Anita Bruzzese Why Accepting an Apology is Harder Than It Looks When you make a mistake at work, do you apologize? Many of you will say yes. Its easier, after all, to move on if you admit that you messed up and simply say, Im sorry to whoever your actions may have impacted.Now heres a possibly tougher question: Do you always accept an apology?Well, of course, you may say. Thats what happens when someone apologizes. You are adult about it and say something like Its OK or Its fine.But is it really?Because the truth is, when you get smacked around by life, you want someone to blame. You want to hold someone responsible for whatever happened, for whatever hurt was caused.Lets say a co-worker apologizes to you for forgetting to forward you important information, and that caused you to make an error in a report to your boss. The erroneous report made the boss pretty unhappy, and you caught the brunt of that displeasure. Now, the co-worker is saying she is sorry for causing you problems.In most situations like this at work when someone apologizes, we sa y Its OK or I understand or at least grunt some kind of acceptance. But the truth is that youd like to lash out at the colleague who caused you such problems, to say that the ass-chewing delivered to you by the boss was all her fault, and her actions were hurtful.Hurtful? You may think thats too strong a word. After all, she didnt hurt you in the same way as would a friend or loved one might, but still, you feel the sting of her actions.So, while you may say you forgive her -- and give the appearance of moving on -- the truth is that youre nursing a grudge. You think about her behavior. Shes unorganized. Shes unprofessional. Shes immature. Shes selfish. All attributes that led to your problems, right?You start to feel a little better. Your self-righteousness starts to blossom. It was all her fault. You never would have made such a mistake. You would never have been so sloppy.By the time you have lunch with several other co-workers, youve worked up a head of steam. You share your rig hteous indignation with others over the unfairness of it all, how you had to take the blame for someone elses poor performance.While it may feel good in the short run to play the blame game, youre really losing in the long run. Why? Because youve never stopped to consider your own part in all of this mess and how it can be avoided in the future. In other words, youre dooming your career to experience these setbacks again and again.Lets look at the way you should really accept an apology: Put yourself in someone elses shoes. You may discover that the person who made the mistake has been saddled with the work of two other people who were laid off. She has been struggling to keep up with the workload, and has little support from the manager. You come to understand that if you were in the same position, you might forget a thing or two. Fix the problem, not the blame. In evaluating what happened, you see that you could have double-checked the information and found the error before presen ting the report to the boss. You decide that you need to build in some extra time to verify information, and give others a chance to weigh in to make sure no errors slip past you. See the outcome as good and bad. Yes, you got in trouble with the boss because of the error. Thats bad. On the other hand, you see that you need to be more diligent in double-checking information, that your process needs to be tweaked and improved. Such attention to quality will be a good work habit to develop and will positively impact your performance. Thats good.The next time someone offers you an apology at work, stop for a minute and think about whats really the best way to handle it. Instead of focusing on the Im right and youre wrong mentality, remember that no one is perfect. You have and will make mistakes in the future, and so will everyone else. Its the ability to truly accept an apology and move on that will determine your future successes.Have you ever had difficulty accepting and moving on after someone offered an apology? Whats the best way to get past your hurt or anger? del.icio.us